I began writing my previous blog post on Discouragement (here) last week Wednesday night after reading the relevant chapter in the book. A discussion had ensued with a friend, which ultimately prompted me to write the post.
On Thursday my Ladies’ Bible Study group held a discussion on the chapter – a discussion in which we shared much and learned much. If nothing else, we were all assured – I hope – that we were not alone, as mums (which we all are) of young children can testify time and again to feelings of discouragement and doubt.
And then the Test. On Friday I had a day home alone with my daughter. Something I normally look forward to – and occasionally dread, depending on my mood – as it allows me to do housework that is not always possible with hectic days out. Friday, however, was a nightmare – and I was aware of what was going on, oddly. My daughter was in a fractious mood, and it really got me down that day, so much so that at times I think we were both in tears. I felt very alone, and spent quite a bit of time asking God WHY I even had a daughter!! Don’t get me wrong. I love my daughter with everything in me, and she is the most precious gift of my whole life. But there are times when one really asks why. When I’m ill is one of those times (I just want to be able to curl up in bed and feel sorry for myself, not be a Mom to a clingy baby!), and this was another. I just could not cope.
I was chatting with a friend about this today (the same one I chatted to on Wednesday), and she mentioned that “God gives us reviews before we get the real test in many cases”, and later that it’s thankfully an “open book test”. How true is that?
I will say that, on Friday I did notice that it was interesting how I found myself in the self-same position emotionally and psychologically that I’d been discussing and reading about during the previous two days. I won’t say that that knowledge helped very much. What did help, though, was being able to chat to two friends who, although they didn’t have answers for me, were able to reassure me that I wasn’t alone at all. Better than that, though, was being able to kick my butt out of the house and take the two of us for a drive in the countryside, and then a quick visit to a colleague at work. That helped the most, as it got both of us some fresh air and OUT OF THE HOUSE!